Things Alice Would Never Say

WOW!!!!

508. Bella i'm hungery *Looks at bella*

lol, nice one lauren! i like yours too, kenshin.

509.(to rosalie, at the mall) don't talk to me, i'm concentrating on not bursting out laughing at your fashion sense... or lack thereof.

That was absolutely shocking, Lauren. Hilarious, but oh so shocking. I wonder what Stephenie Meyer would say if she saw that?

Hopefully she would laugh like everyone else..

510. Men and I argue over religious difference, they think they're God and I don't.

so, so true!

511. You know Jasper, Bella is kind of like a slinky: she isn't much use for anything, but she's awfully fun to push down the stairs.

HAHA! Love it, Anne.

512. Bella, have you ever wondered why men think alot and women talk alot? (do men REALLY think a lot though?)

Bella: Not really..but now that you mention it, why is that?

Men have two heads and women have four lips.

thanks. i'm weirdly obsessed with that saying lately.

snort, i like. and no, men don't think at all!

513. jasper, hand me that box of tampons. yes, the ones right next to you. no, not that box! that one's full of condoms. yes, you know what a tampon is, trust me. NO! that's the viagra... wait a bit. you're trying to tell me something here, aren't you...?

LMAOROFL! *wipes tear from eye* Oh that was good.

514. We, as in women, have unique magic tricks. We get wet without water, bleed without injury and make boneless things hard.

*laughs hysterically* oh, perfect! do you make all of these up or do you look them up?

515. We bear your children, cook your meals, clean your houses, listen to your rants, and satisfy your desires. Don't you think we deserve a backrub every once in a while?

Amen to that!
Some are off the top of my head, some I look up.

516. *answering the telephone* Alice Cullen, wanton sex goddess, with a very bad man between her thighs... Mom... Hi.

(Bridget Jone's Diary, cracks me up everytime)

Bahah.

512. [Alice] I wonder what would happen if I hung Mike upside down by his feet.

[Bella] With your height difference and all there might be a slight problem.

[Alice] Oh, did I forget to mention the cliff part?

[Bella] 0.o

those were amazing!

513. Alice: Oh God, I have no idea what to wear! Help me Bella, what should I wear!
Bella: Alice, chill. You're just going to see a movie! It'll be fine.
Alice: But it's with him! I have to look perfect!
Bella: You're the coolest thing that's ever happened to him, don't worry. He'll drool over you no matter what you wear.
Alice: You're sure?
Bella: Yes, I'm sure. This is Mike we're talking about, remember? After a year and a half of trying to get me, you will be his dream come true.
Alice: Thank you Bella!

Haha very, very nice girls.

514. Jasper is like the energizer bunny in bed..he just keeps going and going and going..Sometimes I really do wish he had an off switch.

lol, love it!

515. When I take over the world, everything will be free and the bunnies will live in peace.

lol

516. So, the "By-Half Plan" sounds pretty good to me...how about you?
Bella: What is it?
Alice: We're cutting the world in half and taking out all the men. *Jasper walks in* (Alice doesn't want him to know about the plan though) And so you're sure that a tampon goes down there?

LOL! Nice cover

517. (If she were an air hostess) There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?

I ripped that off from Airplane

i like! though that is an INCREDIBLY stupid movie!

518. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Forks. I am Alice your friendly neighborhood psychic. Please feel welcome to come to me with any of your questions dealing with the occult or the mysterious. I can see into the fabric of time and space and... oh, hi Carlisle. No, I'm not doing anything. I'm just... I mean... Oh, never mind!

519. MY NEW NAME IS NOT ALICE CULLEN IT'S CULLEN CULLEN

um okay...

520. Dearly beloved, we gather here to say our goodbyes. there she lies! no one knew her worth, the late, great daughter of, mother earth. on this night, when we celebrate the birth... wait a bit. this is the wrong movie! i'm supposed to be in Twilight, not Rent! oops...

ummm
521.CHEESE!!

522. I like grapes. (my friend randomly says that all the time )

Haha, yeah that was random all right.

523. I'm magically delicious. *leading Jasper to their room* Come on, Jasper, let's see how long it takes you to find my 'lucky charms'

524. Bella, blue really isn't your color...

525. Silly Bella, witches aren't real. They're just a figment of your imagination. And magic? Well that's just a bunch of hocus pocus.

526. There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like... oh, deuce it all! this will NEVER get me into Jasper's bedroom.