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RogueHEROsaysBEDWARD
Stopping At A Casino With Alice
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Sat Oct 11, 2008 12:12 am

Capitolizing each line is using a poet's license. I do that whenever I write poetry too. It's just how I like to write it.

But yeah we're has an apostrophe.

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Edward_lover_63801
Debating About the Immortal Soul With Edward
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Sat Oct 11, 2008 5:45 pm

I'm so sorry. lol
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sweetblood
Being Kidnapped By Alice
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Thu Oct 16, 2008 9:18 pm

Don't know what sparked this one.
If anyone has any constructive criticism for this poem what so ever, all is appreciated. Smile

Sugar and Sweet

Tastes so sweet
sugary
feels so soft
like a fleece blanket
you, kissing my lips
running shivers down my spine
making everything seem alright
if only for a moment
lasts a lifetime
even when I yearn for you
in my darkest moments
to be here with me
once again
twice
thrice
oh baby, hold me once more
please baby
send me into bliss
with your sugary sweet
softest kiss
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RogueHEROsaysBEDWARD
Stopping At A Casino With Alice
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Fri Oct 17, 2008 11:21 pm

Ooooo. Nice one!

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spiritwolf
Being Kidnapped By Alice
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Humor : Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
Registration date : 2008-06-28

PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Mon Oct 20, 2008 6:02 pm

I'm not happy with this one yet but here:

I sit there on the corner
And never make a sound
As I begin to wonder
If I'll ever be found
For you see I'm lost my dear
Within these dark halls
I am cowering in fear
Within these dark walls
And no one ever cared to listen
No one ever cared to look
As my face began to glisten
And my body began to shook
"Hush child." said a whisper
And with crystals falling from sapphires I looked
"Hush child; I'm here."
And that's when I was hooked
He had me on a wire
He had me from the start
I was once a crier
But then he had my heart
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RogueHEROsaysBEDWARD
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Mon Oct 20, 2008 7:25 pm

aw i like it a lot! the rhymes are great! I love the end

Only problem is that while shook rhymes with look, the word should be shake... You could make it shook if you took out the "began to," but it kills me to do that because then you ruin that lovely paralellism!! *sigh*

so I wrote this song for Edward and the Cullens... I haven't showed it to the rest of the band yet, so feel lucky! There's a lot of tempo changes in the song, and it's to the chord progression of D, Am, Em, G with the capo on the 6th fret, for music people...

It's from Edward's pov, talking about he doesn't want to turn Bella into a vampire.

Please Don't Make Me Kill You

Please don't make me kill you
With my eyes, with my heart, with my soul
You don't know what you're asking me
To do, to you, I'm through, I swear it
You know I'd do anything
For you, it's true, I know it
But please (x12)
Please Bella, don't ask me for this

Though I know that you will come
Back right after you have gone
So will the pain
Of knowing things will never be the same

The blush on your face is the most
Beautiful thing I've ever seen
In this life and the one before it
And the one after that and the one before that
And the one going on right now
Of everything I've ever seen
Bella, you're queen
Of everything I've ever seen
Bella, you are the queen
Don't make me take that away
Don't make me take that away

I don't think I could watch the life slide
Right out of your darkened eyes
Like a baby bird beating its
Wings trying so very hard to fly
Though I know that you will come
Right back after you have gone
So will the pain
Of knowing things will never be the same

Repeat first verse, but change the last line to:
Don't make me kill you

so yeah, it seems a lot better when one sings it...

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spiritwolf
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Mon Oct 20, 2008 8:42 pm

It still seems awesome though. I especially like the last stanza.

Hmm...You're right! I totally didn't notice that it was in the wrong tense because I was too caught up in the rhyme.

I sit there on the corner
And never make a sound
As I begin to wonder
If I'll ever be found
For you see I'm lost my dear
Within these dark halls
I am cowering in fear
Within these dark walls
And no one ever cared to listen
No one ever cared to look
As my face began to glisten
And my body always shook
"Hush child." said a whisper
Crystals falling from sapphires I looked
"Hush child; I'm here."
And that's when I was hooked
He had me on a wire
He had me from the start
I was once a crier
But then he had my heart
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RogueHEROsaysBEDWARD
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Tue Oct 21, 2008 5:22 pm

awesome! I wish shook was the right tense though because I really liked that parallel structure that you had...

the last part of it is amazing though. I just love how you said "I was once a crier, but then he had my heart"

That's just so perfect!

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spiritwolf
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Tue Oct 21, 2008 5:26 pm

haha Wow, didn't expect that. Thanks!

How's the band doing? Have you showed them it yet?
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RogueHEROsaysBEDWARD
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Tue Oct 21, 2008 8:26 pm

Not yet... but I did make a recording of it. I'm gonna email it to them. Technically It's written from a guy's pov so our guy singer is suppossed to do it... but I just made a guide for him to sing by. I hope it's in his range.

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sweetblood
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Wed Oct 22, 2008 4:36 pm

Just found this one in an old notebook I've now started to use.

Changed

some might say
that it would have happened this way
something is not the same
I know I've changed
but these bittersweet memories
will remain



All I have to say about this one is......oh boy. Embarassed

Cuddle

I'm letting you behind my wall
of my own protection
I'm letting myself fall
into your arms (it's like perfection)


Let me know what you all think. Razz
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RogueHEROsaysBEDWARD
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Wed Oct 22, 2008 9:26 pm

Nice! I like 'em. The first one makes me wonder... I wanna hear the full story behind it.

Well, you remember the song I posted not so long ago? I recorded it. It's now both written and preformed by me and it's up on the edward and the cullens myspace.

www.myspace.com/edwardandthecullens1

it's called Don't Make Me Kill You

Please let me know what you think of it and our other songs preferrabley on myspace but on here too if you want.

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Edward_lover_63801
Debating About the Immortal Soul With Edward
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Sun Oct 26, 2008 5:25 pm

Stay Young Forever


I don't want to let you go.
Time to grow up.
But the thing is,
The old never grow young,
So why do the young have to grow old?
To me it makes no sense.
Knowing that I could lose you over a number
Is something I will and have to worry about
I try to forget and I knew this problem would eventually,
come about.
I didn't ever think I could be this attatched.
I didn't think I could NOT let go.
I didn't know how fast this thing could come.
I'm worrying
It's out of control.
I'm crying when I think about it,
loving every moment I do get to spend with you.
Hating every moment I don't.
I never thought that I would be this attatched when I first started talking to you.
But that first night,
I knew I would never be able to function properly without agian.
I don't want this problem to come about,
But in a matter of 4 months and some od' days,
We'll be having a talk I'm afraid to approach.
But I try to keep my head held high.
I wish this problem could solve itself.
But it won't.


Ps.
I think the young grow old because if they didn't the old wouldn't be able to grow older and there wouldn't be any other young to ask why the young have to grow old
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RogueHEROsaysBEDWARD
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Tue Oct 28, 2008 7:49 pm

Hm. I like it! Interesting subject matter. One thing I think you could've done better though is word choice. I don't really see and loaded (or connotative) words in there and if you just added a few that would make the meaning a little more readily presentable. Also, I think you add a little more imagery to it as well. Talk less about what you're thinking and more about HOW you're thinking it, what you're FEELING and your thoughts about that.

Otherwise, this has great potential and I like it!

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Edward_lover_63801
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Tue Oct 28, 2008 10:17 pm

Oh I just posted it because I sent that to someone and I don't really know why I put that on here. Everything is okay now.
But thank you anyways
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sweetblood
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Wed Oct 29, 2008 5:20 pm

Very interesting Edward_lover_63801. Very thoughtful.


Here is one I wrote a little while ago.


Snowflakes in Narnia

Summer dies
Fall snickers
As winter kicks in
The sky cries snowflakes
Intricate and delicate
They fall to the ground
making no sound
The crown jewel
Of the Snow Queen
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RogueHEROsaysBEDWARD
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Wed Oct 29, 2008 8:04 pm

Aw that's cool. All the personification of the seasons was nice.

And Edward_lover I know you just posted it up here for fun, but I just like to give constructive criticism. I assumed you wanted it cuz you posted it. But yeah, I wish people would tell me stuff on how to improve my writing instead of just say "oh that's good!" so I try to set an example by doing that for other people.

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Edward_lover_63801
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Thu Oct 30, 2008 6:26 pm

Ah okay.. I'll see what I can do but I don't know since I can't improve mine very well... Very Happy
But you guys... erm.. girls, can call me Tiff or Tiffany
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RogueHEROsaysBEDWARD
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Thu Oct 30, 2008 8:54 pm

Yeah sorry I'm just kinda bad with names... Especially cuz I think you changed your avvy, so yeah I got confused... lol

But hi Tiff!

You can call me Sky or Skylar

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Edward_lover_63801
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Mon Nov 03, 2008 4:45 pm

yeah, I know what your name is since I have you as a friend on Myspace. I'm better with names than mmost people. Smile
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Edward_lover_63801
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Mon Nov 03, 2008 5:38 pm

Flame filled Memories

Inhale
Exhale
Why can't we just forget this?
Walk away and never look back.
Forget all the things we said.
Forget the memories of us
The Happy times we spent together
The way you held onto my hand throughout the bad weather
I loved the way you told me everything.
I loved the way I could tell you anything.
One day,
thats all it took.
We didn't know that just one little thing,
could come between us.
I remember the screaming like it was yesterday.
I remember the bruises like they were scars.
I remember the look you gave me.
The apologetic eyes.
The frown on your face.
I'm sorry it ended.
I'm sorry you had to leave and never came back.
You were my world
I was yours.
Now I look back on it all and cry
Even if I wanted to,
I don't think I could ever get to you
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edwardrules1
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Mon Nov 03, 2008 6:54 pm

nice... i really like the line "i remember the bruises like they were scars" i dont know it just sounds so poetic to me, so beautiful and sad at the same time
dont be so depressed though tiff, you'll be okay
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Edward_lover_63801
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Tue Nov 04, 2008 8:30 pm

Oh I'm not depressed it's just I had to write something, my friend had a poem due today and I wrote one so she could get a good grade.
But thank you for the compliment
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Mrs. Ali Jasper Hale
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Wed Nov 05, 2008 2:30 pm

I can only write poems when I'm sad.

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Edward_lover_63801
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PostSubject: Re: poems and whatever   Wed Nov 05, 2008 8:23 pm

Permanent Love
She walked the path steadily,
awaiting anything that would catch her eye.
Panting heavily,
Scared to death,
She struggled to find her way.
Her hands searched frantically on the damp, cold, wall
Fog made her perspire,
She gasped his name
For he would not hear her.
She fell to her knees and scraped her hands
Warmth on her hands, as she suspected it was blood.
A hand on her shoulder, made her scream
He said her name, she sighed with relief,
He helped her to her feet.
She whispered his name with sudden fear,
She backed away, and fell to the ground.
To him, her screaming was not loud.
He mumbled something and then he groaned.
Her flesh he wanted, as his own.
She crawled on her hands and knees,
Whimpering with fear, "Please"
He pulled her away, in his chamber she remains.
Nobody knows what happened to her,
Nobody knows where she went.
Nobody looked for her at the obvious place.
A place she visted everday.
Her DEAD boyfriend's fresh-dug grave.
Now forever with him she remains.
She always wanted to be with him,
TOGETHER FOREVER.

usually I can't write poems when I'm wanting to either,
Usually it's just when i'm depressed/ sad.
I wrote the poem above today in CA. I wasn't sad though.
I wasn't happy.
Just kind of nuetral.
:]
Lol
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