Things Esme Would Never Say

I would love to see Esme say something like that, I really would.

49. I'm a redneck woman, I ain't no high class broad..

so would i...

50. I want a pair of trip pants.

51. Boys, can't live with 'em, and you can't live without 'em. love sucks.

52. (to bella) take my advice. find yourself a nice guy who won't almost kill you on a daily basis, kiss him, let him knock you up, and then see if you prefer edward.

haha, let it be Mike. He'd LOVE that.

53. Why do I have to stay home with these incompetant children again?

You girls kill me...

54. I'm not smiling because I'm happy. I'm smiling because you all have finally driven me insane! Alice isn't going to be the only one who's seen the inside of an Asylum now.

lol
55. You smile at the joke you just played. I smile cuz YOU'RE GUNNA DIE...AGAIN!!

Haha nice. Go get em' Esme!

56. *sings* I will follow him..Follow him wherever he may go And near Him, I always will be For nothing can keep me away,He is my destiny.

57. *sings* near, far, wherever you are, i will find you!

58. If you would just cheat at the stupid baseball game, you would win...for once!

were you just singing celine dion?

59. So kids, how do you like my new rainbow colored mohawk?

60. *corus* its very nice.

61. Rosalie, stop being such a b!tch to Bella

... dunno, she could say that.

Maybe..though I really can't see her saying the word NETSPEAK SUCKS!tch..

62. Go ahead and complain all you want Carlisle, because frankly my dear I don't give a damn.

haha
63. Can I work at Hooters with Rosalie now?

64. i need a tit reduction...

65. Oh that Britney Spears, she is such a good role model for all the young girls out there.

66. Now Alice, if you are going to stone a kid at least do it right! *starts throwing boulders at little kids*

HAHA! Nice

67. *puts on a pointed bra and puts her hair up in a high ponytail* Hey look at me, I'm Madonna.

*bows* thank you thank you. lol

Nice one! lol

68. (while making Bella sing Britney Spears) Who was the first vampire?
Bella--ummm....dracula?
Esme--*throws bologna at Bella* NO! Dammit! we're gunna do this till you get it right!!

That's too funny.. haha

69. I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts..It's true, Carlisle even said so.

haha lol i got the thing from Sidney White. lol i freakin love that movie! lol

70. *cocks a rifle* (In a dictator voice) now, im only going to ask one more time, who took the cookie from the cookie jar. *little boy raises hand* yes?
Boy--Sarah took the cookie Mrs. Cullen.
Esme--Sarah, please step away from the other children. BANG! (In a sweet, Esme voice) Now, does any one want a cookie?

LMAO! Oh my sides, I can't stop laughing..

71. I have nipples Greg, would you milk me?