Things Jasper would never say

Haha

147. Edward, until you get laid none of us are safe.

that's disturbing.

148. If you don't just go ahead and bite her, I'll do it for you!!!!

149. Bella, wanna go out to eat of shall i bite you here.

150. (after walking in on Bella after she takes a shower) Oh, wow, you've matured since the last time I spied on -- i mean, saw you....?

*snort* alice would kill him!

151. Alice, have you ever heard of a padded bra?

Hahaha..poor Alice..

152. *looking at tampon* Uh, Alice, where is this thing suppose to go again?

Alice slaps her forehead and shakes her head: Men...

153.Can i have a demonstration of were it goes *looking at tampon*

*snort*

154. violence isn't the answer... but it's fun anyway.

I'm running away to join the Volturie, Alice, and I'm taking you with me. *listens to protest* fine! no ands, ifs, and buts, we're going! *stuffs Alice into the trunk*

156. I'm writing one great song before I die...

Um, Alice, are you sure the tampon goes *looks at the example Alice drew for him* THERE?
*Alice slaps him in the face*
OW! OW!
Alice sighs. Boys...

*snort* i like that one!

158. (To bella) I mighty vampire, you puny mortal. run away now.

159. (To Bella) I vant yerr blooood! hisses
(to Edward) shove off, puny thing!
(to Bella) delicious bloooooood!
*drinks Bella's blood.*
Edward attempts to hit him but hits Carlisle instead. Carlisle screams and dives into the fray.

slashy snow eagle wrote:

*snort* i like that one!

158. (To bella) I mighty vampire, you puny mortal. run away now.

good one!

thank you.
lol
160. (to bella) will you marry me?

Haha

161. (About Alice) "Like, oh my god...can you belive she's wearing that?"

(From Shakespeares's A Midsummernight's Dream)
Jasper: If thou dous't love me, steal forth thy father's house tomorrow night. Thence we shall marry.
Bella: My good Jasper!
I swear to thee by Cupid's strongest bow, and his best arrow, tipped in gold, by all the vows man ever spoke, I will meet thee at the place thou appointed me.

Hahaha

163. "O, Alice, Alice wherefore out thou Alice?"

164. Rosalie, I love you.

165. You are the light to my darkness, Esme.

165. I'm a woman trapped in a man's body.

166. Alice, are you sure vampires don't pms? because you sure are acting like it, and, if it's not hormones, then what is it?

Haha nice. You're on a roll tonight Anne.

167. Come on Edward, you can do it! You can do it allllll niiiiiiight looongggg!!

*snort*

168. All I hear from you are complaints, Alice. Don't you think you could show a little gratitude sometimes. After all, it was me who found you and let you know that you weren't crazy after all. AND, I've been your shopping lackey without saying anything! Don't you think you could just be QUIET for five minutes and let me think???

what?


169. Alice:who are you texing
Jasper: Idk my bff jill?