Things Jasper would never say

oh, GOD! i HATE that commercial!

170. I love marshmallows.

I hate it to
171.reita,(the guy in my pic) i love you
Kenshin: Back away hE'S MINE!!!

172. jasper: standing over him, he begged me not to do, what i knew, i had to do, because i'm so in love with you...
all: what did you do?
jasper: i asked for his number.

who is all

173. I'M A SILLY DISCO GOD!!

174.I'm a sex god

*shrug* dunno.

he is! (for no. 174)

175. honey, i'm home!

Haha

176. *to Alice* Woman, get in that kitchen and fix me my supper! Oh and bring me a beer from the fridge and fetch me my slippers while you're at it.

Alice: Jasper, you don't eat food, or drink beer and fetch your own damn slippers! *walks away*

lol

177. I was a soldier, brave and true.
I was a soldier, how about you?
I ran around with a gun on my back,
Trying to find someone to attack.

alice: what are you doing?

jasper: um... never mind?

lol



178.ALICE BELLA IS MY BARBIE DOLL!!!!

Alice: Noooo I saw her first! She's MINE!


179. *in his Texas accent* Old Yeller was the best dogone dog in the West. R.I.P old boy

lol

180. um, alice? [holds up tampon] what's this? it's not some kind of obscure masturbation device, is it? 'cause that's what I'm here for!

ROFL!! That was great. I'm so proud of you Anne! haha

181. Procrastination is like masturbation, only in the end do you realize you're screwing yourself.

yay!

lol, love it!

182. alice?

alice: yes?

jasper: this is kinda awkward, but... um... why do you have sex with me? i mean, it's not like we can have kids or anything.

alice: jasper, that's EXACTLY why i have sex with you. if there was a chance of my getting pregnant, you'd be out in a second.

jasper: oh...

Haha Ouch...

183. Alice is exactly how I like my women- a lady on the streets and a freak in bed.

184. i'm a little emo,
short and wisp,
here is my blade,
and here is my wrist,
whe i get all dressed up hear me cry,
slit my wrist and watch me die

AHAHAHAHA

185.POO

186. Women, can't live with them..can't..No, wait, that's about it..

lol, love it!

savanah, that was amazing!

187. Bella, one word of advice: don't be the bunny. Esme likes to eat them before breakfast.

(and you'll get that if you've seen Urinetown, but probably not otherwise. sorry.)

188. I enjoy making Emmett horny for Edward, Rosalie horny for Bella, Edward horny for Esme, Esme horny for myself, Alice horny for Emmett, Carlisle horny for Jessica, and... you get the idea. *makes Emmet horny for Edward*

Haha

189. No, not the thong Alice, it covers too much. Try the G-string instead.

Alice: Men...You're never satisfied..

lol. so true

190. *to marriage conselor* Let me get this straight, you want me to cheat on Alice so that our relationship can get stronger? Sweet! I like this guy!
Alice: I hate you.

LOL

191. Friends are like condoms, they're there for you when things get hard.

*snort* nice one!

192. women... they stay home all day having fun and talking to their friends on the phone while we slave away all day making the money to pay the phone bill, among other things, and then when we come home, they expect us too cook dinner. is a return to the fifties too much to ask? i liked the fifties.

Alice: watch it jasper. you're setting yourself up for some abstinence therapy.

HAHA! lol

193. I want something hot.
Old Lady: I have some hot towels in the back.
Jasper: No, hotter.
Old Lady: Oh, let's go in the back and I'll give it to you.
Jasper: Allll riiight. *Walks to the back of the store and sees a bunch of old guys chained to the wall*
Old Lady: Have fun. *walks away and locks door*
Jasper: Shoot, that didn't work...

I can't stop laughing.. Those were great.

194. I wish the lawn was emo so that it would cut itself.

*snort* don't we all?

195. two and two make five.